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Science

Opinion: I Listened To The Daily Once, And Now I Am Omniscient

June 7, 2023 Eric Rousso 0

Greetings, lesser one. It is I, your neighbor in POLSCI 30, here to inform you of my recent endeavors in the political sphere. Last night, […]

Boelter Hall Plaza To Be Turned Into Rainforest Cafe

June 2, 2023 Emma Searing 0

WESTWOOD — After years of appearing only vaguely wild and jungle-like, the UCLA Samueli School of Engineering will finally be building a Rainforest Cafe in […]

Opinion: Science Is Fake! The Same Water That “Carved The Grand Canyon” Can’t Flush My Poop Down This Toilet

March 27, 2023 Gillian Smith 0

We’ve all sat through the same boring eighth grade science class where they teach you about “erosion.” They say water flowed through some rocks and […]

L.A. Zoo Goes Climate Friendly, Announces “Planteater”

March 26, 2023 Sophia Balkovski 0

LOS ANGELES ZOO— In an attempt to reduce the human (and animal) impact on the climate and focus on sustainable energy, scientists at the Los […]

Former Horse Girl Now Ketamine Addict

March 20, 2023 Idil Çenberci 0

LOUISVILLE, K.Y.— Retired jockey and racehorse enthusiast Hannah Ryder has recently developed a horsey addiction to ketamine. “It started as a bonding activity with my […]

Scooter Reaches Mach 5 Down Bruinwalk

March 13, 2023 Idil Çenberci and Gabe McNeill 0

WESTWOOD— Students were shocked this morning when student athlete Will B. Quick achieved the speed of Mach 5 scootering down Bruinwalk. “All I saw was […]

UCLA Adds Rizzonomics Major

March 8, 2023 Dana Badii 0

WESTWOOD — UCLA’s College of Letters and Sciences announced a new Rizzonomics major for the 2023–2024 academic year this week, which has the campus community […]

Local Vagina Saves Discharge For Best Underwear

March 3, 2023 Gillian Smith 0

YOUR CROTCH — Despite eight previous hours of blessed discharge-free existence while you were wearing that ratty pair of granny panties you’ve had since high […]

Complaining About the Rain? Don’t Worry, Climate Change Will Get Rid Of It

March 1, 2023 Tyler Neufeld 0

WESTWOOD — You’ve been complaining for two months now about the rain we’ve gotten this winter. You’re telling everyone that you’re sick and tired of […]

Opinion: “Samueli?” More Like “Smelly.” You Stink!

February 24, 2023 Ava Abrishamchian 0

WESTWOOD — UCLA is known for its beautiful architecture and iconic buildings. Even with a melancholy Mathematic Sciences Building, UCLA can keep its top spot […]

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