ANTARCTICA — Scientists announced today that the polar ice caps have completely disappeared in the wake of years of icebreaker questions. “Carbon dioxide emissions cannot compare to the damage icebreakers have done to the environment,” said leading climate researcher Dr. Eiz Berg, while adjusting the alliterating “Eccentric Eiz” name tag he created during a team-building session’s icebreaker activity earlier in the day. “We as a species would rather tell our classmates or coworkers our favorite vegetable than spread the message of sustainability. It’s the tragedy of our times.” At press time, Dr. Berg was preparing for the anticipated rise in sea levels by considering what aquatic animal he would most like to be.