2,022 Things To Look Forward To In 2022
2021 has wrapped up and we are now in a new year. Change can be scary, so here is a list of 2,022 things that […]
Celebrities
Nicki Minaj Fan Disillusioned Upon Learning Starship Delivery Bots Not Meant To Fly
WESTWOOD — Tears could be heard after avid Nicki Minaj fan Barbz “Bang Bang” Bass kicked a delivery bot down Tongva steps only to realize […]
Heartwarming! This Man Wakes Up Every Morning And Finds Out He’s President
WASHINGTON, DC — In what can only be described as a heartwarming break from the nation’s political drama, sources confirmed Monday that every morning Joe […]
5’8” Men Now Listing “One Tom Holland” As Height On Tinder
LOS ANGELES — Following the release of “Spiderman: No Way Home,” data scientists at Tinder report that men who are 5’8” are now changing their […]
Cancel Culture Gone Too Far? LMFAO Forced To Apologize For Party Rockin’
LOS ANGELES — In what some are decrying as “cancel culture run amok,” electronic dance music duo LMFAO is being called on by critics to […]
Gene Block Re-Releases 8 Clap (10 Minute Version)
WESTWOOD — Following UCLA football’s victory over USC, Gene Block has re-released a 10 minute version of UCLA’s 8 clap. “Stream now on Spotify, Apple […]
Scientists Discover Why Looking At Photos Of Gene Block Makes Your Dick Twitch
CAMBRIDGE— After several months of careful experimentation, MIT’s leading neurologists have finally identified why scrolling through Chancellor Gene Block’s Facebook makes your dick twitch. “The […]
Joe Bruin Put Down
WESTWOOD — The UCLA community was struck by an unexpected tragedy late last night, when it was announced that school mascot Joe Bruin had been […]
Opinion: Dear UCLA Women’s Volleyball Team, Please Bully Me
WESTWOOD — An Open Letter to the Volleyball Team It all started when I saw you destroy the Washington Huskies last Sunday. Zoe Fleck, you […]
Rapper Drake Gets Stuck In Tree, Saved By Firefighters
THE SIX — Rap superstar Aubrey “Drake” Graham was rescued from an 8 foot tall tree in Toronto’s High Park Thursday afternoon by the Toronto […]