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Celebrities

Playboy Donates Full Catalog To Trump Presidential Library

February 23, 2021 Dylan Wood 0

BEVERLY HILLS — In a press release sent out this morning, Playboy Enterprises announced that they would be donating their entire back catalog to the […]

COVID Positive Rudy Giuliani Checks Into Walter Reed Hardware Store

December 9, 2020 Dylan Wood 0

WASHINGTON, DC — Following his positive COVID-19 diagnosis, Rudy Giuliani has reportedly checked himself into Walter Reed Hardware Store, a small building supply company located […]

“Beg For It,” Says Automatic Faucet

October 28, 2020 Arman 0

WESTWOOD — According to toilets close with the Enabler, the rightmost automatic faucet in Target has begun demanding bathroom users to “beg for it” in […]

Rudy Giuliani Still Waiting On Text From Maria Bakalova

October 26, 2020 Max Flora 0

WASHINGTON, D.C. — After his encounter with actress Maria Bakalova in Borat Subsequent Moviefilm, attorney Rudy Giuliani is still waiting for her to reach out […]

BREAKING: Grandma Downloaded TikTok

October 19, 2020 Jade Lacy 0

DALLAS — Local senior citizen Dolly Berkshire amassed one million followers on TikTok Friday morning, a milestone she has been approaching since her video dancing […]

Local Huskies Speak Out Against Husky Guy: “We Don’t Know Him”

March 5, 2020 Jack Grossman 0

WESTWOOD — Students passing through Bruin Plaza Tuesday afternoon were met with an impromptu press conference held by a group of local huskies in an […]

Flustered Quentin Tarantino Begins Teaching Himself Korean

February 12, 2020 Max Flora 0

HOLLYWOOD — Acclaimed film director Quentin Tarantino, after losing an Academy Award to Parasite, has reportedly begun teaching himself Korean. “I thought the Academy would […]

Baby Yoda Arrested For Tax Evasion

January 31, 2020 Grace Johnston-Glick 0

CHICAGO — Late last Monday evening, America’s little green sweetheart, Baby Yoda, was arrested outside his Chicago mansion for alleged tax evasion. The IRS, aided […]

The Sexiest, I Mean The Smartest Youth Climate Activists

January 24, 2020 Joe Biden 0

The global movement to adopt greener solutions has been led by sexy children who have fought tooth and nail to prot–I mean, intelligent. The push […]

Op-Ed: SexyBack By Justin Timberlake Just Metaphor For Cold War

December 3, 2019 Justin Timberlake 0

Yo, the name’s Justin Timberlake and I’m the creative genius behind the 2006 hit “SexyBack.” I’ve been called “the most talented artist of our generation,” […]

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