Struggling Men’s Basketball Team Re-Recruits Kareem Abdul-Jabbar

WESTWOOD – After UCLA Men’s basketball’s recent loss to Villanova, coach Mick Cronin has re-recruited Kareem Abdul-Jabbar in an attempt to revitalize the team. “We’re always looking for underdog players that have unrealized potential,” said Cronin while googling “best basketball players ever” on his laptop. “Although he may not quite replace Jaime Jaquez or Russel Stong, we think Kareem can bring some fresh, youthful energy to the team. I’m sure Adem Bona won’t mind a little bench time!” At press time, Cronin was using an Ouija board to contact the ghost of John Wooden.

About Gabe McNeill 20 Articles
Known primarily for his roles in the Watergate break-in and the breakup of The Beatles, Gabe McNeill was inspired to write for The Enabler after the Daily Bruin fired him.