Opinion: I Am Going To Squish My Roommate Like A Bug
Oh my god. My roommate just looked at me. Why in the fuck ass did he just do that. He might as well be taking […]
Articles by Azalea Morris
Project 2025 Announces “Pussylight Savings Time” Forcing Women To Set Back Their Menstrual Cycle Each Fall
Washington, D.C. — Project 2025 has added an innovative new pillar of conservatism to reclaim our nation: “Pussylight Savings Time,” which will forcibly set every […]
Sorry! Biden And Netanyahu Made Pinky Promise To Destroy Palestine As Little Pennsylvanian Boys
Washington, D.C. — With or without a ceasefire deal, Benjamin Netanyahu has promised to continue to rain hellfire upon Palestinians, due to a binding pinky […]
UCLA Dining To Reduce Meal Swipe Value From $9 To One Spoonful Of Gruel
Ackerman Student Union – UCLA Housing announced recently that the meal swipe value will be reduced from nine dollars to one spoonful of cold, chunky […]
Westwood’s Willies Go Wonka: Chlamydia Outbreak Following Timothée Chalamet Appearance
WESTWOOD — After the premiere of Timothée Chalamet’s new film Wonka, hundreds of thousands of students have flooded the Ashe Student Health Center and tested […]
Professor Requiring Students To Purchase Her Divorce Memoir
WESTWOOD — Students in Professor Carol Williams’ Chemistry class were dismayed to learn Tuesday that 75% of their grade would consist of reading quizzes on […]
UCLA Frat Issues Notes App Apology for Alleged Serial Sexual Assault
WESTWOOD — On Monday, a UCLA Fraternity was cornered into finally addressing their countless sexual assault allegations. Their method of addressing this serious issue was […]