LOS ANGELES — Linda Caprice, a 43-year-old mother of two and proud owner of a “Don’t Talk To Me Until I’ve Had My Coffee” mug, was recently revealed to be an unpleasant person to talk to even after she’s had her morning cup of joe. “I always tell my coworkers — you don’t want to get on my bad side in the morning! There’s no telling what pre-coffee Linda can say,” said Caprice, whose post-coffee self continues to curse at, berate, and generally disrespect her coworkers. “I don’t understand why they keep avoiding me! I mean, I took the coffee machine from the break room and put it on my desk so they can’t see me before my first cup! They should be gathering around me and celebrating, those ungrateful assholes.” At press time, Caprice was on her sixth cup of the day while multiple emails from Human Resources piled up in her inbox.
