Opinion: Final Exams Are Biased Against People With Tiny Bladders And Rectums
Yes, I’m a human. Yes, I pee and poo and shit and even fart. So why is this being held against me when it comes […]
Food
Opinion: EEEEEEEK!
GEt it off Get it off! I thINK it BIT ME!!!! All I did was make the squeaky noise so it would look at me, […]
Throwing Up In Class And Four Other Trends That Have Majorly Fallen Off
Reminiscing on trends that used to be all the rage but haven’t gotten a lot of attention lately? The Westwood Enabler has you covered. These […]
UCLA Introduces 0P Plan Where You Watch Your Friends Eat
WESTWOOD — UCLA Housing has decided to launch a brand new meal plan for students living on campus, where purchasers can swipe into dining halls […]
De Neve Late Night Reopens With Mandatory Breathalyzer Test
WESTWOOD — Beloved dining hall De Neve is set to reopen its Late Night menu with more pizza, flatter soda, and a lot less fun […]
Angry Men’s Rights Activist Creates Boy Scout Cookies
WESTWOOD — Men’s rights activist Brett Chadley has created “Boy Scout Cookies” after noticing that male children are marginalized in the cookie sales industry. “These […]
Carrot Man Eaten By Easter Bunny, Rises Again Three Days Later
WESTWOOD — After being eaten by the Easter Bunny on Sunday, Westwood icon Carrot Man rose again three days later with an even larger carrot […]
Woman Unpleasant To Talk To Even After She’s Had Her Coffee
LOS ANGELES — Linda Caprice, a 43-year-old mother of two and proud owner of a “Don’t Talk To Me Until I’ve Had My Coffee” mug, […]
Student Caught Taking Banana Out Of BPlate Fatally Shot
WESTWOOD — Following changes in UCLA dining policy, second-year physiological science major Hannah Dunham was fatally shot Tuesday after being caught smuggling a banana out […]
Trader Joe’s Reveals Most Sales Come From That One Tote Bag
TRADER JOE’S HEADQUARTERS — Trader Joe’s executives have revealed that most of their sales for the year of our lord 2023 have come from their […]