TRADER JOE’S HEADQUARTERS — Trader Joe’s executives have revealed that most of their sales for the year of our lord 2023 have come from their infamous blue and white tote bag. “We make an effort to offer a variety of unique, exciting products that cater to a wide variety of consumers, but they keep coming back for that sack,” stated Trader Joe’s CEO Joseph “Trader Joe” Trader as he examined a prototype of a keto-friendly Valentine’s Day edition of the bag. “We’ve actually had to throw away most of our food items because people only seem to want that very basic-looking tote bag. The success is baffling because our graphic designer just used the default setting on Custom Ink.” At press time, Trader Joe’s sent out a memo stating that due to the bag’s massive profits, employees no longer need to seduce customers at checkout for good business.