Quirky Professor Asks For “Bueller” While Taking Attendance
WESTWOOD — At 8:00 AM this morning, physics professor Dr. Gilbert Krenshaw made a reference to the movie Ferris Bueller’s Day Off while taking attendance by […]
humor
Historians Uncover Plato’s “About The Author”
ATHENS, GREECE—Historians identified an original copy of Plato’s self-drafted “About the Author” on Thursday that provides an intimate glimpse into the late philosopher’s personal life. […]
Flint, Michigan Offers To Alleviate California Drought
FLINT, MI—Noting that there’s “plenty to go around,” Mayor Dayne Walling of Flint, Michigan announced in a press conference Jan. 19 that the city was […]
Students Take Break From Battling On-Campus Hate To Hate Crosstown Rivals
LOS ANGELES – Lobbing disparaging remarks at the Trojan student body during the UCLA-USC football game Saturday, students at the University of California, Los Angeles […]
Douchebag Met At Frat Party
WESTWOOD—Christie Temple, first year student at UCLA, expressed vocal surprise regarding an encounter she had with a douchebag at a fraternity party last Thursday. “He […]
POINT: Walk Your Fucking Wheels / COUNTERPOINT: *Whoosh*
Point Walk Your Fucking Wheels! By: Ryan Singh Hey! Watch it, asshole! You almost hit me! Can’t you read the signs?! This is a dismount […]
POINT: Data Mining Violates Our Privacy / COUNTERPOINT: At Least SOMEONE Out There Really Knows Me
POINT Data Mining Violates Our Privacy By: Neil Herrera The government has no right to monitor our personal internet use. They claim they’re doing it […]
On-Campus Residents Demand More Spaces For Sitting Alone, Sobbing Quietly
WESTWOOD—In a new petition that has been gaining traction this week, Hill residents are looking to increase the number of spaces currently allocated for sitting alone […]
Candlelight Vigil Held To Commemerate Lack Of Poon
WESTWOOD – Students at UCLA prepare to weep in solidarity at the overwhelming lack of poon. This weekend a vigil will be held on campus […]
Toy Missing: Last Spotted in Westwood Area
LAB SCHOOL SANDBOX – Mrs. Frisby’s first grade class went wild Monday after Thomas the Tank Engine did not return from his lunchtime adventure. “It’s […]