UCLA Adds Rizzonomics Major

WESTWOOD — UCLA’s College of Letters and Sciences announced a new Rizzonomics major for the 2023–2024 academic year this week, which has the campus community in a frenzy.

“Finally! I was not having the best of luck on r/bruindating,” said second-year political science and pre-rizzonomics major Breau Kenhart, who offers to pay for dates with Reddit Gold. “My current rizz tactics are asking ‘where my hug at?,’ octuple-texting, and liking Instagram stories. I’m super excited to take RIZZ 39: Outfit Check and RIZZ 107: Hand-Holding!”

The Rizzonomics department is currently hiring professors, ideally ones who have spoken to a woman before. Upon hearing this, Kenhart added, “I can see myself really excelling under some great lecturers – they might assign me some field work chatting up girls on Bruinwalk!”

At press time, Kenhart was checking the class rosters to see if any cuties were enrolled in RIZZ 77: At Least You Have A Good Personality.