School Spirit? Student Refuses To Wear Trojan Condoms
WESTWOOD – In a bold display of Bruin spirit, first-year Gender Studies major Chad Ryan announced on his Instagram yesterday his refusal to wear Trojan […]
Pre-Health
Project 2025 Announces “Pussylight Savings Time” Forcing Women To Set Back Their Menstrual Cycle Each Fall
Washington, D.C. — Project 2025 has added an innovative new pillar of conservatism to reclaim our nation: “Pussylight Savings Time,” which will forcibly set every […]
Yikes! Pre-Med Conducts Emergency Surgery Using LS7A and Grey’s Anatomy
WESTWOOD — First-year biology major Jeffrey Smith bravely executed an impromptu surgery on his lab partner last Thursday in La Kretz using Life Science 7A […]
Fifth-Year Continuing To Major In “Fundecided”
WESTWOOD — Long-term student Brody Martin, currently enrolled in his fifteenth quarter, informed his counselor Monday that he is taking a lighter course load this […]
Psych Major Offended At Suggestion Of Therapy
WESTWOOD – Although therapy is growing in popularity, a stigma still exists, and third-year psychology major Nellie Robinson is no exception. “Can you believe my […]
UCLA Adds Rizzonomics Major
WESTWOOD — UCLA’s College of Letters and Sciences announced a new Rizzonomics major for the 2023–2024 academic year this week, which has the campus community […]
“Don’t Worry, It’s Not COVID,” Says Woman With Rabies
TALLAHASSEE — After showing up to work with a high fever, Florida native Olivia Yeller reassured her coworkers that she does not have COVID, but […]
UCLA’s Final Offer: Replace All TAs With This Cute Widdle Guy
WESTWOOD — In a bold move, UCLA officials have announced plans to fire all teaching assistants and replace them with Mr. Pudding. “We are always […]
Loser Has No Addictions
WESTWOOD— Fourth-year physics major John McMan shocked local partygoers when he revealed he has no life-consuming addictions. “I offered him a cigarette and he was […]
Speaker On Bruinwalk To Blast “Pre-Med Pre-Health?” Every Ten Seconds
WESTWOOD — This Monday, at the peak of rush hour on Bruinwalk, a speaker programmed to blast “Pre-med? Pre-health?” made its debut in front of […]