Triangle of Sadness? This Woman Has a UTI
Watching the Oscars? Here are our quick takes on the Best Picture nominees! Buy me dinner first! Give ‘em a mic, I say! I sure […]
Articles by Melissa Beining
Opinion: How I Get So Much Volume In My Hair I Can’t Hear My Roommate Face-Timing Her Boyfriend
Step 1: I take a shower. This gives me an excuse to avoid hearing my roommate cycle through pet names for her five foot eight […]
Uh-oh! You Did Your Makeup So Weird The Nice Girls Are Complimenting Your Unstyled Hair Instead
WESTWOOD — Reporting live from a packed Roebling backyard, the Enabler can confirm you did your makeup so weird that the nice girls are complimenting […]
Ask The Enabler: “Best Places To Hide A Vibrator In A Classic Triple?”
If a roommate questions why your portable charger is covered in white marks and has an odor, the safest bet is to blame it on […]
Gene Block Says Campus Wifi Won’t Truly Get Better Until It Learns To Accept Help
WESTWOOD— Gene Block told the UCLA community on Wednesday that administrators staged a “promising” intervention with the campus WiFi, but admitted that we can’t expect […]
Quirky, Enigmatic, Brilliant, And Other Adjectives To Describe Daniel Radcliffe
TORONTO — On the red carpet of his recent biopic premiere, Weird Al Yankovic offered our reporter some words that can be used to describe […]
Screaming, Crying, Throwing Up: Learn To Spot The Symptoms Of E. coli
WESTWOOD — The CDC is reportedly concerned that signs of E. coli are being confused with reactions by some members of the public to recent […]
Sloppy Drunk Joe Biden Spotted At Fat Sal’s
WESTWOOD— Joe Biden was spotted just after 1 a.m. Saturday morning at the Westwood Fat Sal’s, having wined and dined the day away with the […]
REPORT: All The People Alive Are Out There Right Now
WASHINGTON, DC — According to a new report from the CIA, everyone currently alive has been confirmed to be out there right now, right this […]
Point: That’s A Cute Shirt / Counterpoint: Not With Your Boobs
P: That’s a cute shirt. By: Melissa Beining It’s everywhere. It follows. It can’t be categorized, yet it’s instantly recognizable. It’s inexplicable—yet, undeniable, too. Every […]