Mitch McConnell Revealed As True Father Of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
WASHINGTON — In a stunning turn of events, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R – KY) has been confirmed as the true biological father of […]
Politics
Report: Dianne Feinstein Bullied By Senator As Child
WASHINGTON — Following a viral video last week that showed her bullying young children, a report has surfaced that Senator Dianne Feinstein (D – CA) […]
Ruth Bader Ginsburg To Embark On Quest For Immortality
WASHINGTON, D. C. — After learning that President Donald Trump will be appointing another Supreme Court Justice, Ruth Bader Ginsburg has announced that she will […]
Nancy Pelosi Had Relaxing Weekend Screaming Into Abyss
WASHINGTON, D.C. — After working around the clock to oppose the Republican party’s legislative agenda, sources close to minority leader Nancy Pelosi say she had a […]
Administration In Turmoil: Rex Tillerson Was The Last Staffer Who Knew The White House Wi-Fi Password
Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the past fourteen months, you know that the Trump White House has been an absolute mess. It […]
Area Douchebag Reminds Trump “Pulling Out” Least Reliable Method
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In the wake of President Donald Trump’s decision to withdraw the United States from the Paris Climate Accords, area douchebag Chad Finberry […]
Western Wall Grabbed By the Crevice
JERUSALEM — On May 22, one of the holiest sites of the Abrahamic religions was allegedly accosted by a visiting tourist with incredibly small hands. […]
Point: USAC Is An Essential Part of Student Representation/Counterpoint: USAC Kind Of Sounds Like Ballsack
Point: USAC Is An Essential Part of Student Representation By: Janice Miller The Undergraduate Student Association Council serves UCLA through creating programs and passing […]
President Reagan Hologram Booked To Perform At Republican National Convention
WASHINGTON, DC — At a press conference held at the Republican National Committee headquarters earlier today, RNC chairman Reince Priebus jubilantly announced that he had […]
Donald Trump Announces Donald Trump As Running Mate
NEW YORK CITY—Donald Trump announced at a rally this morning that, if nominated, which “[he] might as well have been from the very second [he] […]