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Politics

Republicans Propose “No Child Left Unshot” Plan

May 23, 2023 Gillian Smith 0

WASHINGTON D.C. — Seeking to expand on the “No Child Left Behind” educational program, Senate Republicans have rolled out “No Child Left Unshot.” “We think […]

Students Troubled By Lack Of Old White Men To Vote For In USAC Elections

May 9, 2023 Matthew Graves 0

WESTWOOD — A gamut of candidates have thrown their hats in the ring to get on the USAC payroll, yet some students are left wishing […]

Life Alert Releases Congressional-Grade™ Necklace

May 8, 2023 Dylan Wood 0

WASHINGTON — With a third of their ranks being over 70 years old, Congress took steps today to alleviate age-related concerns by giving each member […]

Fox News Countersues Dominion For Being Big, Fat Meanies

April 27, 2023 Josh Dittrich 0

NEW YORK — What does the fox say? Misinformation, apparently. Having paid Dominion Voting $787 million for broadcasting election lies, Fox is now countersuing for […]

Despondent Dr. Oz Seen Wandering Crudité Aisle In Fugue State

November 10, 2022 Dylan Wood 0

BETHLEHEM, PA — Television personality and professional charlatan Dr. Oz was spotted recently wandering the crudité section of a Wegmans grocery store in an aimless […]

Gene Block Drops Out Of Race For Prime Minister

October 25, 2022 Bella Dunham 0

10 GAYLEY ST — UCLA Chancellor Gene Block announced Tuesday that he will be withdrawing himself from consideration as leader of the Labour Party and […]

Report! Stonehenge Only Epic Thing White People Have Ever Done

May 26, 2022 Bella Dunham 0

UNITED KINGDOM — A new report out of Exeter University claims to have proven that Stonehenge is the only epic thing to ever be done […]

‘Just Kidding!’: Leading Climate Scientists Reveal Their Funny Little Prank

April 28, 2022 Tatiana Davidson 0

NEW YORK — The world’s leading climate scientists gathered Tuesday to announce the culmination of their prank, known formally as the “Climate Crisis.” “Honestly we […]

Report: Judge Who Struck Down Mask Mandate Has A Great Smile

April 26, 2022 Jade Lacy 0

TAMPA — Reporters on the scene at Florida’s Middle District Federal court, where Judge Kathryn Kimball Mizelle recently struck down the mask mandate for public […]

Welcoming Our New Vice Chancellor Of Buttfuck Nothing

March 10, 2022 Gene D. Block 0

Dear Bruin Community: It is with pleasure that I inform you that Hankk Smiggly will be joining the UCLA team as our new Executive Vice […]

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Gillian Smith
  • Weird! Student Goes To Law School Without Exhausting Other Options First
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  • Republicans Propose “No Child Left Unshot” Plan

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