Marco Rubio Forges Doctor’s Note To Get Senate Absences Excused
WASHINGTON, DC — Following months of missed votes and prolonged periods of absences from his Senate duties, Marco Rubio reportedly handed Senate Majority Leader Mitch […]
Politics
Obama Makes Cuts To Length Of Day
WASHINGTON—Citing the immense cost it takes to power the sun as well as a lack of sun-related job creation, president Obama announced today that the […]
W.E. Guide To 2014 Student Elections
Student Elections are often confusing, skull-smashingly boring affairs, where we have the chance to make the over-achievers and go getters of today become the politicians […]
Elections Cancelled Due To Lack Of Interest
WESTWOOD—Members of student government announced today the cancellation of all elections planned for this week after campaign interest levels hit a record low. According to polls conducted […]
Iran Reveals Plans for Nuclear Waterslide
NEW YORK—In a UN General Assembly meeting last Tuesday, Iranian President Hassan Rouhani was initially reserved when questioned about rumors surrounding the construction of what […]