Former Study Partner Returns To Unacknowledged Passerby Status
WESTWOOD—Freshman James Beckstead noted he saw a figure approaching that very closely resembled his CHEM 14A study partner from the fall quarter, but as their […]
Articles by Matt Moldenhauer
Student Hustles Cool Thousand From De Neve Pool Table
WESTWOOD—Lighting up a cigarette and chalking off the tip of his cue with a flourish, self-described “alternative student” Justin Hernandez hustled a cool thousand at […]
Despondent Bruin Republicans Plan Inflammatory Events Just To Feel Something, Anything
WESTWOOD—Bitter and desensitized by the current state of the GOP, a group of disillusioned Bruin Republicans gathered in Haines today where they pitched a series […]
That’s An Awfully Nice Paper You’ve Got There
You have a wonderful newspaper. Truly, wonderful. I read it every week, and it always brings a smile to my face. You should be very […]
Op-ed: Everyone Wants To Dance For Pediatric AIDS But No One Wants To Help Me Kill My Doppelganger
When I heard about Dance Marathon my first year at UCLA, I was absolutely thrilled. Thousands of people getting together in silly outfits raising money […]
Bus Driver Oddly Peppy Today
LOS ANGELES—Noting his bright smile, sing-songy voice and otherwise peppy demeanor, passengers on the metro 720 bus remarked that their driver was weirdly friendly today. […]
Infant Shocked To Learn Objects Permanent
LOS ANGELES—Stunned and completely speechless, three month-year-old infant Andrew Calvert reported experiencing a deep shift in worldview today following the discovery that objects are permanent. […]
Everyone In Group Project Only Person Who Does Anything
WESTWOOD—Citing Brian’s lack of reliability and Julie’s poor speaking ability, multiple sources confirmed Wednesday that every party involved in group three’s Spanish 100 project is […]
Report: Most LA Children In Favor Of Expanding Choo-Choo Train Lines
LOS ANGELES—Citing a severely underdeveloped public transportation network, a survey released by the Los Angeles Department of Transportation (LADOT) Tuesday found that at least 65% […]
Student Has Perfect Thing To Add To Lecture
WESTWOOD — Much to the admiration of those around her, second year Jessica Grant confirmed Monday that she had like the perfect thing to add to […]