WESTWOOD—Lighting up a cigarette and chalking off the tip of his cue with a flourish, self-described “alternative student” Justin Hernandez hustled a cool thousand at the De Neve rec room pool table today. “I take one walk around the room and it’s just a matter of time before some chump tries to take me on,” said Hernandez, adding that it’s usually the same type of sorry-ass loser who thinks they’re hot stuff. “Sometimes they’re trying to impress their girlfriend, sometimes they’re really desperate to make some cash. Either way, I like to go easy on them at first. I’ll let them knock a few balls around before finishing them off.” Although sources suggest on-campus housing officials have tried to crack down on gambling in the past, recently they have begun making an exception for Hernandez after he offered them a cut.
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Dank, fam