Prospective Student Waits For Dad To Stop Eye-Banging Cheerleaders At Bruin Transfer Day

The cheerleaders did not notice McDermot's father staring eerily.
The cheerleaders did not notice McDermot’s father staring eerily.

WESTWOOD–Visiting from out of state and touring the campus on Bruin Transfer Day, prospective student John McDermot reportedly spent much of his time at UCLA waiting for his father, who accompanied him, to stop eye-banging cheerleaders. “It’s a gorgeous campus,” McDermot reported, visibly made uncomfortable by his father lewdly gazing at a group of cheerleaders welcoming would-be transfers in front of the Janss steps. “I can definitely see myself as part of the Bruin family and, uh, I really can’t wait to go here.” McDermot stated that he was initially intimidated by the grandeur of many buildings on campus such as Royce Hall and Powell Library, both of which went unnoticed by McDermot’s father who was busy fantasizing about porking college girls sporting knee-high socks and pom-poms. “All the red-brick buildings are really something,” McDermot reported as his father was miles away in fantasy land, nailing college girls in blue and gold cheerleader skirts almost a third of his age. “It really reminds you of this school’s prestige.” At press time, McDermot pretended not to see his father gently rub his crotch as a group of sorority girls in short-shorts walked past.