Recent Graduate Gets Dream Job At Firm
WESTWOOD — Recently graduated business-economics major Blake Gordon has accepted his “dream job” with The McGerald Corporation, a big firm that performs consulting and auditing […]
Articles by Jack Lyons
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BREAKING: Gene Block Spotted At Rocco’s
WESTWOOD — Esteemed UCLA Chancellor Gene D. Block was spotted at popular Westwood bar Rocco’s this past Thursday night, imbibing and dancing among the Bruin community […]
Op-Ed: Every Morning I Wake Up And Go To War
What are you doing at 4:00 in the morning? Most of UCLA is either asleep, hungover like degenerate civilians, or having sex without giving a […]
Report: You’ve Read All Your Free Articles For This Month
WESTWOOD — Citing the paywall triggered after reading three articles in a given month, The Westwood Enabler reported that you have exhausted all of your […]
Daily Bruin Granted Unprecedented Access To Taliban
WESTWOOD — In a recent development set to quell criticism of what many decry as “vapid” content from the publication, the Daily Bruin has been […]
Gene Block Mentioned 26 Times In Mueller Report For Some Reason
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s final report on his team’s investigation into potential links between the Trump campaign and Moscow was made public […]
De Neve Grab ‘N Go Loses Michelin Star
WESTWOOD — Lamenting that the dining establishment no longer holds itself to the culinary standards of innovation and excellence exalted by restaurants deemed worthy of […]
Senior Scholar Dies
WESTWOOD — 84-year-old second-year political science major Ingrid Miller, known by her fellow political science students as a recurring “senior scholar,” died midway through an […]
Ted Lieu Voted Sexiest Man Alive By Bruin Democrats
WESTWOOD — At the club’s most recent policy meeting, members of Bruin Democrats unanimously voted California Representative Ted Lieu the “sexiest man alive,” the group’s […]