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Articles by Jack Lyons

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About Jack Lyons
Robust and well-rounded, this full-bodied Jack has zesty notes of citrus and pine complemented by an oaky undertone and hints of caramel.
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ISIS Appalled By NRA’s Lack Of Regard For Human Life

January 24, 2016 Jack Lyons 0

RAQQA, SYRIA — In a video that surfaced this last Thursday, ISIS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi appears to condemn the National Rifle Association (NRA), citing […]

Disney Acquires Rights To Nation’s History

January 24, 2016 Jack Lyons 0

BURBANK, CA—In an unprecedented and game changing move, The Walt Disney Company purchased the rights to the entire history of the United States from the […]

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Local Fish Concerned Reef Becoming Too Gentrified

January 24, 2016 Jack Lyons 0

THE PACIFIC OCEAN — Having slowly watched its reef whiten over the course of several years, on Thursday a local fish expressed concerns that the […]

Donald Trump Calls For Santa’s Workshop To Be Relocated To US

December 4, 2015 Jack Lyons 0

NEW YORK CITY — At a press conference in the Trump Tower this past Thursday, Donald Trump demanded that Santa Claus relocate his workshop to […]

Louisiana Denies Governor Jindal Refuge From GOP Primary

November 24, 2015 Jack Lyons 0

BATON ROUGE, LA — Following his displacement from the GOP primary due to instability within the party, Governor Bobby Jindal was denied refuge by his […]

President Obama Gives Congress Two-Star Yelp Review

November 15, 2015 Jack Lyons 0

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Citing Congress’s inability to pass bipartisan legislation, President Barack Obama wrote an unfavorable review of the governing body on Yelp Saturday, giving […]

Ben Carson First Neurosurgeon To Successfully Remove Own Brain

November 8, 2015 Jack Lyons 0

  WASHINGTON, DC — In an effort to boost his support among voters this past Thursday, former neurosurgeon and Republican presidential candidate Dr. Ben Carson […]

Gene Block To Hand Out Single Hershey’s Kiss On Halloween

October 30, 2015 Jack Lyons 0

WESTWOOD — In a memo to UCLA and the greater Westwood communities this past week, UCLA Chancellor Gene Block announced that he will set aside […]

Marco Rubio Forges Doctor’s Note To Get Senate Absences Excused

October 11, 2015 Jack Lyons 0

WASHINGTON, DC — Following months of missed votes and prolonged periods of absences from his Senate duties, Marco Rubio reportedly handed Senate Majority Leader Mitch […]

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