Donald Trump Calls For Santa’s Workshop To Be Relocated To US
NEW YORK CITY — At a press conference in the Trump Tower this past Thursday, Donald Trump demanded that Santa Claus relocate his workshop to […]
Articles by Jack Lyons
Louisiana Denies Governor Jindal Refuge From GOP Primary
BATON ROUGE, LA — Following his displacement from the GOP primary due to instability within the party, Governor Bobby Jindal was denied refuge by his […]
President Obama Gives Congress Two-Star Yelp Review
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Citing Congress’s inability to pass bipartisan legislation, President Barack Obama wrote an unfavorable review of the governing body on Yelp Saturday, giving […]
Ben Carson First Neurosurgeon To Successfully Remove Own Brain
WASHINGTON, DC — In an effort to boost his support among voters this past Thursday, former neurosurgeon and Republican presidential candidate Dr. Ben Carson […]
Gene Block To Hand Out Single Hershey’s Kiss On Halloween
WESTWOOD — In a memo to UCLA and the greater Westwood communities this past week, UCLA Chancellor Gene Block announced that he will set aside […]
Marco Rubio Forges Doctor’s Note To Get Senate Absences Excused
WASHINGTON, DC — Following months of missed votes and prolonged periods of absences from his Senate duties, Marco Rubio reportedly handed Senate Majority Leader Mitch […]