WESTWOOD — A gamut of candidates have thrown their hats in the ring to get on the USAC payroll, yet some students are left wishing for more representative candidates to vote for. “Old white men are the future of this country, and I’m tired of pretending they’re not,” declared Stad S. Kwoh, a third-year biology major and self-professed “old person enjoyer.” “In fact, I’ve never seen our national government run without them! On an unrelated note, I am deeply uncomfortable with losing my position of political power, and also, women scare me.” At press time, Kwoh was rewatching the Trump/Biden debates with a gleeful smile and a noticeable half-chub.
About Matthew Graves
5 Articles
Matthew Steven Graves (who had his initials stolen by the food additive MSG) is a former staff writer for the Westwood Enabler. Hopefully by now he is a lawyer or whatever or at least has a barista job. Jesus Christ, that guy was such a bum. I legitimately don’t like him. Did you know he stole most of the funny sayings in his articles from like, Twitter? Can you believe that? I sure can’t. Hell is hot!!