Op-Ed: SexyBack By Justin Timberlake Just Metaphor For Cold War
Yo, the name’s Justin Timberlake and I’m the creative genius behind the 2006 hit “SexyBack.” I’ve been called “the most talented artist of our generation,” […]
Bald Eagle Buys Wig
ROCKPORT, WA — Visitors at the Skagit River Bald Eagle Interpretive Center report spotting a bald eagle flying near the Center wearing a fashionable wig. […]
First-Year Debuts New Personality At Thanksgiving
MINNEAPOLIS — 19-year-old Thor Bjornson was spotted deplaning in sandals and a The Longest Summer t-shirt at Minneapolis-St.Paul International Airport on Wednesday night. “I’m stoked […]
Potential Employer Glad You Reached Out
LOS ANGELES — A potential employer called a press conference at 8:35 this morning to announce how glad they are that you reached out. “We […]
Zuckerberg Under Fire Following Reports Of Dinner With Lex Luthor, Legion of Doom
HALL OF DOOM — Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg is in hot water following reports of “off-the-record” dinners with Lex Luthor and assorted members of the […]
Local Man Not Nazi, Just Thinks Swastikas Look Cool
LOS ANGELES — In an unsolicited interview Friday evening, local WASP Luke Campbell adamantly refused any allegiance to the Third Reich, despite a prominent swastika […]
Dick Cheney Finds Unlikely Success as TikTok Star
CASPER, WY — Former Vice President Dick Cheney created an account on TikTok last week and credited Donald Trump as the inspiration behind his decision […]
CAPS Introduces New “Ball-and-Stick With Smiley Faces” Counseling Unit
WESTWOOD — In an effort to keep up with the rising demand of students seeking mental health treatment, UCLA Counseling and Psychological Services (CAPS) announced […]
Number of Acapella Groups Reaches Triple Digits
WESTWOOD — Local UCLA officials reported today that the number of campus acapella groups has reached triple digits, and shows no sign of slowing down. […]
Bruin Plate Introduces Bottomless Mimosas
WESTWOOD — The UCLA Housing department has recently announced that Bruin Plate, UCLA’s newest and largest dining hall, will begin serving bottomless mimosas beginning in […]