WESTWOOD — The UCLA Housing department has recently announced that Bruin Plate, UCLA’s newest and largest dining hall, will begin serving bottomless mimosas beginning in January. “We feel that keeping UCLA’s position as the best dining hall in the country hinges on introducing popular meals for students. What’s more popular with the youths than bottomless mimosas?” said Eric Scherz, representative for UCLA Dining Services and recipient of over sixteen citations for public intoxication. “We’re hoping that this will encourage students to choose healthier food options at B-Plate while also getting them to stop being such fucking narcs and let loose once in awhile.” At press time, UCLA Housing declared that Feast will be offering happy hour sake bombs in order to counteract the influx of students going to Bruin Plate.
About Griffin Stout 16 Articles
RIP Griffin Stout (1996-2023) Failed Comedy Writer and Pet Owner. RIP Bark Ruffalo (2007-2007)