Gene Block’s Balls Chafe From Fence-Sitting
WESTWOOD — In a campus-wide press release, Gene Block, notoriously radical centrist, announced that his balls are chafing from his rampant fence-sitting. “While this unauthorized, […]
UCLA Dining To Reduce Meal Swipe Value From $9 To One Spoonful Of Gruel
Ackerman Student Union – UCLA Housing announced recently that the meal swipe value will be reduced from nine dollars to one spoonful of cold, chunky […]
Breaking: Every Celebrity Has Now Appeared On Every Other Celebrity’s Podcast, Lifting The Curse And Freeing Us All
LOS ANGELES — In a development that is sure to bring about nationwide revelry, every single celebrity has now appeared on every other celebrity’s podcast, […]
Throwing Up In Class And Four Other Trends That Have Majorly Fallen Off
Reminiscing on trends that used to be all the rage but haven’t gotten a lot of attention lately? The Westwood Enabler has you covered. These […]
Bel-Air Property Auction Gets Heated Over Having Best View Of College Town
BEL-AIR — In the process of brokering a deal worthy of its property value, a Bel-Air home auction recently got heated over having the best […]
UCLA Introduces 0P Plan Where You Watch Your Friends Eat
WESTWOOD — UCLA Housing has decided to launch a brand new meal plan for students living on campus, where purchasers can swipe into dining halls […]
UCLA Housing x ResLife Presents: Roachella
WESTWOOD — With music festival season well underway, UCLA Housing is collaborating with ResLife for their own spin on Coachella: Roachella. “Ticket prices range from […]
Freshman Faux Pas? The First Guy You Ate With At De Neve Is A Sex Offender
WESTWOOD — As the 2023-24 school year approaches its end, freshman students are coming forward to share their horror stories about dining hall encounters with […]
De Neve Late Night Reopens With Mandatory Breathalyzer Test
WESTWOOD — Beloved dining hall De Neve is set to reopen its Late Night menu with more pizza, flatter soda, and a lot less fun […]