Report: Student Had Busy Day, But Friend’s Was Even Busier
WESTWOOD—Student Alfie Hochman reported last Friday that he had a busy day, but his friend’s was even busier. “I had a class from 9-10 a.m., […]
Area Moms Discuss Book At Wine Club
LOS ANGELES—Sources report that the moms of the Rancho Palos Verdes area all congregated at Susan’s house and discussed a book briefly before consuming multiple […]
Roommate Still In Bathroom
WESTWOOD – Sources have confirmed that as of 8:22 this evening, your roommate was still in the bathroom. “It’s been almost ten minutes. Not that […]
Study: Writers Of Satirical News Articles Make Ideal Lovers
WESTWOOD – A recent study conducted at UCLA has determined that writers of satirical news articles tend to make ideal lovers. “More than any other […]
M. Night Shyamalan Announces New Movie Entitled “Please Help Me, I Can’t Stop”
HOLLYWOOD – Following fast on the heels of his new film Split, famed director M. Night Shyamalan has announced his latest movie entitled Please Help […]
UCLA Unveils New Student Fee
WESTWOOD — UCLA students and faculty gathered in Bruin Plaza this past Friday to observe Gene Block ceremonially unveil the university’s newest student fee. Simply […]
Man Excited By Text Realizes It’s Only BruinAlert Testing
WESTWOOD — Area man Justin Chang received a text on Friday evening while sitting at home and flipping between porn and Netflix, only to realize […]
Kid Finally Learns Mom’s Name Not ‘Mom’
LOS ANGELES—Sources report that five-year-old Douglas Stokes has finally learned that his mom’s name is not actually ‘mom.’ “We’re all so proud of our big […]
High School Classmate Discovers Moroccan Food
LOS GATOS, CA—High school classmate Julie Burr discovered Moroccan food earlier this week, sources confirm. “At first I was like wow, this kind of has […]
Young Entrepreneur Really Proud Of Shitty Idea
WESTWOOD — Early this morning, young entrepreneur Brad Bates recently pitched his complete piece of shit business idea to his Finance class and, to the […]