6 AM Great Time To Leaf-Blow Outside Dorms
WESTWOOD – Recent reports from UCLA groundskeepers indicate that 6AM is the ideal time to leaf-blow the area outside of the dorms. “It’s so quiet, […]
News
Report: Additional Highway Lane Reduces Amount Of Time For Texting
LOS ANGELES — Much to the displeasure of southern California commuters, a study conducted by the Department of Transportation revealed Sunday that the extra highway […]
Busy Area Father Misses Son’s Conception
LOS ANGELES—Working overtime due to an inability to tell his boss “No”, area father Peter Goodall failed to show up for his unborn son’s conception […]
Child Beachgoers Build Castle Of Sand, Water, Scattered Ashes
LAGUNA BEACH, CA — Mother of two Stacy Waldorf confirmed to reporters Sunday afternoon that on a recent trip to Laguna Beach, her two children, […]
First-Year Re-evaluates Entire Life After Receiving B+
LOS ANGELES— Upon receiving his fall grades, first year John Perff was horrified to realize that he had received a B+ in his introductory Backpack […]
Alumnus Excited To Leave Third Part-Time Job By 2020
LOS ANGELES—In light of LA’s recent minimum wage reform, UCLA class of 2014 alumnus Tyler Mills stated that he was excited to finally be able […]
Dad Steals Baby’s Nose
LOS ANGELES—Police have arrested local man Joseph Gutierrez in connection with stealing his baby’s nose. Gutierrez’s wife witnessed him playing with their son on Wednesday when […]
Loud Sound Definitely A Gunshot
WESTWOOD—Tuesday morning at approximately 3:44 AM, a loud sound that occurred somewhere within the vicinity of several residential homes was identified by members of the […]
Benevolent Overlord Gene D. Block Graciously Allows Students His Precious Time
WESTWOOD – Chancellor Gene D. Block, Benevolent Overlord of UCLA, has graciously offered one hour of His precious time to students on Monday, May 18. […]
Bruins United Platform Calls For Lower Fees, Better Resources, More ‘Moments That Take Your Breath Away’
WESTWOOD—Announcing a new, revamped platform for USAC Elections this week, Bruins United spokesman Jeff Brock emphasized the school’s need for “more moments that will take […]