
FDA Increases Serving Size Of Jäger For Non-Pussies
WASHINGTON DC—In a press conference earlier today, a spokesperson for the Food and Drug Administration announced the department’s decision to increase the recommended serving size […]
WASHINGTON DC—In a press conference earlier today, a spokesperson for the Food and Drug Administration announced the department’s decision to increase the recommended serving size […]
WESTWOOD – In response to continuing demand for Spring Sing tickets, the UCLA Central Ticketing Office (CTO) has announced a special competition—for those who could not […]
LOS ANGELES—Parents today were shocked to find that the popular holiday mascot known as the Easter Bunny had left marijuana-laced “edibles” in children’s baskets across […]
WESTWOOD – In response to a sudden increase in sexual activity in campus-owned housing, UCLA has announced its decision to convert Pauley Pavilion into a […]
WESTWOOD—After reportedly “feeling left out” during the festivities that took place at the Sunset Rec center this past weekend, members of UCLA’s goth club have […]
SONORAN DESERT—Arizona Highway Patrol were awestruck this morning when they discovered the disintegrated remains of an Eastern desert coyote spread for nearly sixty feet and […]
WESTWOOD, CA – The Undergraduate Population Control Board (UPCB) enacted a strict one-child policy Saturday in an attempt to quell the burgeoning overpopulation issue plaguing […]
WESTWOOD – In a press conference today, The Westwood Enabler announced that Satan has acquired the student-run paper. The paper, looking for funds, held an […]
WESTWOOD—Third year biology major Margaret Small confirmed that she is totally happy, in fact “practically leaping out of her seat” at the prospect of having […]
WESTWOOD—After being alerted to an alarming spell of hate speech taking place outside of Kerckhoff hall today, Our Lord God, Divine Creator of the Universe […]
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