LOS ANGELES — Much to the displeasure of southern California commuters, a study conducted by the Department of Transportation revealed Sunday that the extra highway lane added to State Route 1 last April has drastically reduced the amount of time that people have to text on their phones. “Ever since they put in this new lane, I’ve been getting to work faster than ever, and that leaves me with hardly any time at all to do my text messaging,” said Los Angeles native Kelly Freitas, noting that whereas her previous morning commute afforded her the time to send at least 400 emojis, she now hardly has the time to muster even 250. “Between work and taking care of the kids, my drive to work is the only break in my day that I have free to communicate with friends. Really, what better time is there to text than when behind the wheel of a 2-ton metal death box travelling at 75 miles per hour?” Despite unhappiness over the decreased time for messaging, the added lane has delivered on its promise of fewer accidents as drivers have recently slowed down in an attempt to extend commutes and gain more texting time.
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A founding member of the Westwood Enabler, Chris is an aspiring comedy writer who sometimes writes in the third person. He's a real dreamboat. Website: untimelybreath.wordpress.com Twitter: @chrisdemeaner