Report: Someone Broke Into My Dorm And Left All This Bong Smoke Here
WESTWOOD — Unease settled over the Hill last night as UCLA Housing warned of a mysterious break-in which left one student’s dorm filled with a […]
Campus
It’s True! The Dumbest Man You’ve Ever Met Has Started A Substack
WESTWOOD — Standing at a handsome 5-foot-6, known idiot, failed Biz Econ major, and your sophomore-year Hinge match Brayden Johnson has decided to start a […]
Report: UCLA Campus Surpasses State Of Iowa For Most Pigs Per Capita
WESTWOOD — After UCPD officers swarmed Royce Hall once again yesterday to meet their daily quota of mercilessly beating up students, UCLA was awarded for […]
Embarrassing! You’re Wearing The Same Outfit As Your Profile Picture
WESTWOOD — Uh oh! After giving your Instagram to a cute classmate, they pointed out that you’re wearing the same outfit as your profile picture. […]
Five Reasons Why I Didn’t Ruin The Vibe By Throwing Up In De Neve
1. De Neve is already De Nasty. Let’s be real here. Out of the three main dining halls, which would be the least bad to […]
Julio Frenk Takes “Fuck the Police” Seriously, Last Seen Naked In Royce Hall
WESTWOOD — After a recent protest marched up to Murphy Hall, home of the office of the chancellor, Julio Frenk decided to hear out the […]
UCPD Relapses After Suffering Arrest Withdrawals
WESTWOOD – Last night, UCPD relapsed in their ongoing addiction to arresting innocent students by violently swarming a movie screening and arresting two attendees. “The […]
UCPD Arrests Student For Thinking About Palestine
WESTWOOD — UCPD officers reported that their week of sitting on their asses at Royce has finally proven useful as they arrested a passerby for […]
Secret Service Visits UCLA To Prepare For 2028 Olympics And Definitely No Other Reason
WESTWOOD – When questioned about why they were lingering around campus this week, plainclothes Secret Service agents reiterated that they were just at UCLA to […]
Julio Frenk’s “Listening Exercise” Is Cuck Play Where He Listens To Me And My Lover Through The Door
Dear Bruin Community: Since Julio began his listening exercise in February, I have met with 29 men and women, and more than 5,000 non-binary baristas, […]