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National

FDA Increases Serving Size Of Jäger For Non-Pussies

April 23, 2014 Luke Moran 0

WASHINGTON DC—In a press conference earlier today, a spokesperson for the Food and Drug Administration announced the department’s decision to increase the recommended serving size […]

Easter Bunny Leaves Eggs Filled With Edibles

April 20, 2014 Jessica Waite 0

LOS ANGELES—Parents today were shocked to find that the popular holiday mascot known as the Easter Bunny had left marijuana-laced “edibles” in children’s baskets across […]

Mysterious Piano Falls On Coyote In Desert

April 15, 2014 Nathan Guzik 0

SONORAN DESERT—Arizona Highway Patrol were awestruck this morning when they discovered the disintegrated remains of an Eastern desert coyote spread for nearly sixty feet and […]

Child Discovers e-Books Also Come In Print Form

March 6, 2014 Christopher Wong 0

SEATTLE, WA – While attending a school field trip to the Seattle Public Library Wednesday, Haggerty Elementary 3rd grader Kevin Abernathy was astounded to discover […]

Rain Inspires Record Number Of Amateur Poets

March 3, 2014 Luke Moran 0

LOS ANGELES—Citing the “motion of palm trees, like lonely children that shiver in the night” as well as the “glimmering pools of heaven’s tears”, a […]

Obama Issues Executive Order To Become Character In Game Of Thrones

February 25, 2014 Stephen Reichenbach 0

NEW YORK—In an unprecedented use of executive authority, Barack Obama has issued an order to be written into the immensely-popular HBO fantasy series Game of […]

Cancer Patient Bearing Shaun White’s Hair Filled With Chagrin

February 21, 2014 Christopher Wong 0

MEMPHIS, TN – Julianna Norton, a 12-year old cancer patient at St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital, told reporters Thursday night that she has regrets about […]

Haunted House Willed to Heirs, If They Can Stay Through One Entire Night

February 16, 2014 Nathan Guzik 0

SEATTLE, WA—After hearing of their late great-uncle Alfred Corman’s passing via his obituary in the Seattle Evening Post, siblings Andrew and Pauline Mortensen were left […]

Superbowl Analysts Expect Record Number Of Blazings

February 2, 2014 Luke Moran 0

EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ — In preparation for today’s Superbowl 48, which pits the Seattle Seahawks against the Denver Broncos, officials at MetLife Stadium have completed arrangements for […]

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