Republicans Criticize State Of The Union As Abuse Of Executive Power
WASHINGTON, DC—Claiming vast overreaches in executive power, Republican leaders came out in criticism of president Obama today after his delivering of an unapproved State of […]
National
U.S. Sends Special Task Force To Sexually Liberate Middle East
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In light of growing concerns over the increasing volatility of the region, Middle Eastern Operations Director for US Special Forces Miguel Jackson […]
Nation Relieved That Issues Of 2014 No Longer Matter
THE UNITED STATES—In the midst of celebrations ringing in the new year, Americans across the country are reportedly relieved to learn that the crucial issues of […]
North Korea Launches Full-Scale Metaphorical Assault On United States
PYONGYANG—Claiming vast amounts of rhetorical power as well as the idea of a massive army, North Korean officials announced plans today to metaphorically annihilate the […]
Local Man’s Life Transformed By Religious Bumper Sticker
LOS ANGELES—After having lived a life completely unmolested by the truth of organized religion, 43 year old lawyer Toby Gilson’s life was completely transformed last […]
Local Mom Pays Mechanical Pony To Babysit While She Shops
BRENTWOOD—According to local reports, a young mother was seen last Sunday afternoon at a local Whole Foods Market shopping with her son. Instead of bringing […]
Local School Shuns Seesaw For Fat-Shaming
BRENTWOOD—In an unfortunate incident that drew the attention of parents and plump kids across the country, Heatherwood Elementary School’s Leslie Mitchell found himself unable to […]
Police Officer Shoots Black Friday
LOS ANGELES—Local police officer Warren Jameson has been placed under investigation after reportedly shooting and killing Black Friday in a violent altercation this morning. The […]
Communist Bookstore Holds Black Friday Blow-Out Sale
SILVER LAKE—Local privately-owned bookstore Bookmarx has announced plans for their first-ever Black Friday sale this week. The store, which features a wide selection of communist […]
Obama Pardons Terrorist Turkey
WASHINGTON D.C. – This Wednesday, President Obama participated in the annual tradition of the Thanksgiving Turkey Pardon. Unusually, Obama chose a turkey from Guantanamo Bay. Truffles […]