Thirteen Year Old Beatles Fan Born In Wrong Generation
SAN ANTONIO—Thirteen year old Beatles fan Allan Davis realized early Monday morning that he was, in fact, born in the…
Area Housecat Charged With Misdemeanor Catnip Possession
SAN FRANCISCO—In the highest profile criminal case of the decade, area housecat Mr. Whiskers was found in his house early…
Powell Bathrooms To Require Multifactor Authentication
WESTWOOD — In a press release late Thursday night, UCLA officials announced that mandated multifactor authentication would extend to the…
UNICEF To Consider Starving Children On A Case-By-Case Basis Due To Budget Cuts
LOS ANGELES — UNICEF announced early Monday morning that it would consider providing meals to starving children on a case-by-case…
Local Man Enjoys Airport Pat-Down
LOS ANGELES — After waiting for over two hours in the security line, local man Michael Beal reportedly “thoroughly enjoyed”…
Dodgers Forget How To Play Baseball Before Game 7 Loss
LOS ANGELES —In what psychologists have described as “the greatest case of the Yips ever seen in sports,” every single…
Area Vegan Seriously Injured After Hugging Cactus
BEVERLY HILLS, CA — In an emotionally charged attempt to show his appreciation of vegetation for its nutritional benefits, local…