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Articles by Pranay Hegde

Thirteen Year Old Beatles Fan Born In Wrong Generation

May 23, 2018 Pranay Hegde 0

SAN ANTONIO — Thirteen year old Beatles fan Allan Davis realized early Monday morning that he was, in fact, born in the wrong generation. “Like this comment […]

Area Housecat Charged With Misdemeanor Catnip Possession

May 23, 2018 Pranay Hegde 0

SAN FRANCISCO — In the highest profile criminal case of the decade, area housecat Mr. Whiskers was found in his house early Monday morning with seven […]

Powell Bathrooms To Require Multifactor Authentication

March 10, 2018 Pranay Hegde 0

WESTWOOD — In a press release late Thursday night, UCLA officials announced that mandated multifactor authentication would extend to the use of Powell Library bathrooms. […]

UNICEF To Consider Starving Children On A Case-By-Case Basis Due To Budget Cuts

February 9, 2018 Pranay Hegde 0

LOS ANGELES — UNICEF announced early Monday morning that it would consider providing meals to starving children on a case-by-case basis due to budget cuts, citing […]

Local Man Enjoys Airport Pat-Down

February 8, 2018 Pranay Hegde 0

LOS ANGELES — After waiting for over two hours in the security line, local man Michael Beal reportedly “thoroughly enjoyed” a pat-down from officials at the […]

Dodgers Forget How To Play Baseball Before Game 7 Loss

November 3, 2017 Pranay Hegde 0

LOS ANGELES — In what psychologists have described as “the greatest case of the Yips ever seen in sports,” every single player on the Los […]

Area Vegan Seriously Injured After Hugging Cactus

October 29, 2017 Pranay Hegde 0

BEVERLY HILLS, CA — In an emotionally charged attempt to show his appreciation of vegetation for its nutritional benefits, local vegan Edgar Wilkner tightly embraced […]

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