Opinion: Dear UCLA Women’s Volleyball Team, Please Bully Me
WESTWOOD — An Open Letter to the Volleyball Team It all started when I saw you destroy the Washington Huskies last Sunday. Zoe Fleck, you […]
Goldman Sachs Recruiters Use Picture Of Female Employee Twice On Diversity Slide
NEW YORK — This past week, recruiters at a Goldman Sachs information session were caught using the same image of a woman twice on a […]
Optimistic Area Man Thinks He’ll Get The Friends In Breakup
SACRAMENTO — Local man and former girlfriend-haver James Jobs shocked acquaintances and family on Friday with his announcement that he will retain his and his […]
Impossible Foods Announces New Plant-Based Bananas
SAN FRANCISCO — Following the success of their Impossible Burger, vegan foodstuff maker Impossible Foods, Inc. announced Thursday a new line of 100% plant-based bananas. […]
Rapper Drake Gets Stuck In Tree, Saved By Firefighters
THE SIX — Rap superstar Aubrey “Drake” Graham was rescued from an 8 foot tall tree in Toronto’s High Park Thursday afternoon by the Toronto […]
Frats Scramble To Start “One Tree For Every Nude” Trend On Instagram
WESTWOOD — In light of the recent trend on Instagram where users share one pet picture in exchange for one tree planted, UCLA’s fraternities have […]
Depressed Student Changes Adderall Supplier In Desperate Bid For Fentanyl
WESTWOOD — Depressed college student Diane Young has gone through four different Adderall suppliers in the past month alone in a desperate attempt to get […]
Hentai Enthusiasts Sue “Squid Game” Creators For False Advertisement
LOS ANGELES — In a suit filed Monday, fans of the Japanese art form known as “hentai” alleged that streaming company Netflix had engaged in […]
“I Do My Own Research,” Says Aaron Rodgers On Why He Never Wins In Playoffs
GREEN BAY — Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers expressed in a recent interview that, similar to his stances on masks and the COVID-19 vaccines, he also […]
COVID Test Vending Machine Just Wants To Be Spit On
WESTWOOD — The COVID test vending machine located behind Haines Hall recently spoke out about its need to be spit on. “Many have tried to […]