How To Know If Your Boyfriend Is Inbred
Dating is a scary activity. One minute, you and your boyfriend are laughing around the dinner table. But what’s that? Uh oh! His jaw. Is […]
Facebook Rant Strikes Perfect Balance Between “1984” References And Holocaust Comparisons
HUNTINGTON BEACH, CA — Herb Matthew reached the pinnacle of his Facebook career Tuesday, after his latest rant struck the perfect balance between references to […]
StockX Now Selling Insulin
DETROIT — The popular reselling website StockX has now added insulin to its vast catalog in what internet scalpers are calling the “sugar rush.” “My […]
Westwood Celebrates Lunar New Year by Adding 24th New Boba Shop
WESTWOOD — As a celebration of the Lunar New Year, the Westwood Neighborhood Council has approved the addition of a 24th new boba shop in […]
UCLA Students Excited To Return In-Person But Also Not
WESTWOOD — UCLA students expressed collective excitement this week about the return to in-person instruction, but also not. “Yeah, I’m stoked to go back,” said […]
Gene Block Sees Shadow, 6 More Weeks Of Online School
WESTWOOD— Yesterday morning, UCLA Chancellor Gene Block emerged out of his burrow and saw his own shadow, thus dooming UCLA students to six more weeks […]
Rihanna Teases Lullaby Album She Will Release On Baby’s Sixth Birthday
NEW YORK — Rihanna announced her pregnancy with ASAP Rocky this week, as well as plans for a lullaby album, though the release date is […]
“He’s Cuter In Person,” And Other Lies To Tell Your Friends About Him
Girly, we’ve all been there. You start talking to a new guy and you’re eager to gab with your girlfriends about this new potential mans […]
Frats Boycott COVID “Rapid” Tests, Claim 15 Minutes Is A Substantial Amount Of Time To Last
WESTWOOD— The John Wooden Center’s recent facilitation of rapid COVID-19 tests was met with heavy resistance this week, as several local fraternities protested the implication […]
Tom Brady Taking Gap Year
TAMPA — After 22 years in the NFL, veteran quarterback Tom Brady has announced that he will be leaving the game of football. “I don’t […]