Op-Ed: I May Be Best Buy Employee of the Month, But I’m Far From Perfect
I am no superhuman, I am no deity, I am simply Best Buy’s “Employee of the Month.” You may be thinking, “He has it all. […]
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Report: Liberals Fine With Celebrity Billionaire President As Long As They’re Black and Female
LOS ANGELES — After an impassioned speech by Oprah Winfrey at the Golden Globes earlier this month, many liberals were excited at the prospect […]
Point: Gazing Off My Balcony Reminds Me This Is My Time / Counterpoint: Can You See Me Smoking My Bong From The Street?
Point: Gazing Off My Balcony Reminds Me This Is My Time By: Claudia DeMonet There’s nothing that makes me feel more alive than watching the […]
Olympic Committee Reevaluates LA Bid After Seeing B-Plate Portion Sizes
MANKATO, MN – Just weeks after declaring the 2028 Olympic bid will be offered to the City of Los Angeles, International Olympic Committee President Thomas […]
Employee Begins To Feel Kinship With New Name Boss Gave Him
LOS ANGELES — In a turn of events, junior managerial assistant Matthew Stevenson began to feel a kinship with the new name his boss had […]
Kerckhoff Hall Passed Over For Starring Movie Role In Favor Of Younger Luskin Center
WESTWOOD — The lights dimmed in UCLA’s Kerckhoff Hall this afternoon after the iconic building learned that it had been passed over for the coveted […]
Westwood Landlord Running Out of Storage Space for Harvested Organs
WESTWOOD — As November 1 draws closer, area landlord Jane Khari is growing increasingly concerned about the lack of storage space for her collection of […]
Woman Who Forgot to Shave for Two Weeks Unintentionally Becomes Feminist Icon
WESTWOOD — Area woman Christine Bigley, who forgot to shave for the past two weeks, unintentionally became a feminist icon and body hair pioneer amongst […]
BruinWear Summer Collection to Include Assless Chaps
WESTWOOD — In response to large demand, UCLA’s BruinWear will be including a pair of UCLA themed assless chaps in their summer collection. “They sell […]
Local Nihilist Watches “Rick and Morty”
LOS ANGELES — Citing its sophisticated and nuanced references to Narodnaya literature, local nihilist Evan Sharp is a regular viewer of the Adult Swim cartoon […]