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Pasadena Native Won’t Shut Up About NYC Mayoral Race

November 4, 2025 Aidan Keo 0

WESTWOOD — Despite never traveling east of Joshua Tree, second-year political science student and Pasadena native Callie West will not shut up about New York […]

Economists Worried As Daylight Savings Runs Out

November 2, 2025 Zach Fischer 0

WALL STREET — With the last of daylight savings running out last night, some economists are fearing the worst. “Americans everywhere were already living paycheck […]

Opinion: If You A Stressed Baddie Who Procrastinated Before Canvas Went Down, This One’s For You

October 20, 2025 Grace McIntyre 0

Flakers Anonymous Reports Record Low Attendance

October 17, 2025 Zach Fischer 0

Jay Leno Arrested After Aiming Chin At Conan O’Brien At Oscars Afterparty

March 3, 2025 Gabriel Sklansky 0

HOLLYWOOD — Vanity Fair’s 2025 Oscar Party dissolved into a state of panic after former Tonight Show host Jay Leno aimed his chin at fellow […]

Student Starves To Death After Rendez Burrito Preparation Took Too Long

January 28, 2025 Amanda Baquir 0

WESTWOOD — Last Tuesday, first-year Labor Studies major Eleanor Rivera tragically passed away from starvation after her Rendezvous West chicken burrito took too long to […]

Heartbreaking: Newborn Really Named Kyle

January 27, 2025 Maggie Kwan 0

JACKSONVILLE, FL — New “boy mom” Karen Shields recently shocked her Facebook friends by announcing the birth of her terribly named son, Kyle. “When my […]

The Enabler Reports: Zip It, Gamgam! America’s New Epidemic Of Lippy Elders

December 26, 2024 Sam Grech 0

“I’ve fallen, and I can’t get up?” More like, “I’ve fallen, and I can’t SHUT UP!” Subtle disses by the frail hands of elders have […]

Opinion: Prisons MUST Be Abolished

December 9, 2024 Enabler Staff 0

Rivalry Game This Year Now Joe Bruin And Tommy Trojan Look-Alike Contest

November 23, 2024 Dana Badii 0

Posts pagination

1 2 … 18 »
  • Vampire Draws Line At Period Sex

    WESTWOOD — Local bloodsucker and thousandth-year religion student Vlad Cullen was seen insisting to his suitors he was down for almost anything in the bedroom, […]

  • Companies Are Desperate For Spring Interns: Just Not You, Specifically

    WESTWOOD — Companies are searching far and wide for driven UCLA students to help out over the spring, just not you. Yeah, you. Reading this […]

  • De Neve Oyster Night Ends As Expected

    WESTWOOD — Last Tuesday night, what was supposed to be a celebratory evening with unlimited raw bivalves at the least refined dining hall ended in […]

  • See You Later, Boy: Skater Boys Replaced By “Scooter Boys”

    WESTWOOD — Folks all across campus have been saying “see you later, boy” to the skater boy, and hello to the scooter boy, who has […]

  • Math Professor Doesn’t Know That Half Of Ten Weeks Is Five Weeks

    WESTWOOD — This week, local math professor Dr. Ivil has come under fire after scheduling a midterm for Week 4, a week that is definitively […]

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