Penn State Score Prediction: 22 Dead, 83 Injured
PASADENA — As Penn State’s Nittany Lions prepare to play the Bruins this Saturday, recent reports from the top experts at FanDuel Sportsbook have revealed […]
Sports
Opinion: Hire Chip Kelly
DeShaun Foster is finally gone after 15 infuriating games as UCLA football’s head coach. He sucked so much that Athletic Director Martin Jarmond, occasionally known […]
Opinion: The Fight Song Shouldn’t Have Words
In light of football season starting again, I needed to mentally prepare myself for another fall quarter of watching us crap the bed every single […]
Opinion: Too Bad, AFSCME! We Are Spending Five Million Dollars On A New Quarterback
Dear Bruin Community: At UCLA, promoting the well-being of the Bruin family is our top priority. As your Chancellor, I do all kinds of […]
Straight Basketball Players Unionize After Highest Gay Per Capita WNBA Draft
NEW YORK CITY — Straight WNBA players are more outnumbered than ever after the 2025 Draft, sparking the formation of the Straight Union of Ballers […]
Early Hominids Clustered Around John Wooden Monolith Miraculously Discover Tool Usage, Basketball
DAWN OF MAN – Following reports that a mysterious large black monolith has encased the John Wooden statue on Bruinwalk, a local group of early […]
Opinion: Athletes Should Only Ride Scooters If Their Team Has Won A Championship In The Past 10 Years
You blink and they appear: a 250 pound, 6 foot 5 monster hurtling toward you with an empty, dog tagged backpack at 45 miles an […]
Local White Boy Makes Big Splash In Intramural Dodgeball Scene
WESTWOOD — As the winter quarter IM season wraps up, overly competitive white boys who have never had success in real sports are experiencing the […]
