God Confused About Fidel Castro Death Reaction
THE HEAVENS— After scrolling through Facebook over the weekend, God expressed genuine confusion regarding humanity’s reaction to Cuban dictator Fidel Castro’s death. “I thought we […]
Politics
Dr. Ben Carson Appointed To Remove Stick From Mike Pence’s Ass
WASHINGTON–With Donald J. Trump’s transition team still filling positions in his cabinet, the president-elect has announced the appointment of retired neurosurgeon and former primary rival […]
Woman Brings Up Her Sex Life To Avoid Discussing Politics At Thanksgiving Dinner
MILWAUKEE, WI—Cutting off her father as he started to praise the new President-elect, Amy Richardson began a detailed discussion of her sex life. “Hey Dad, […]
Trump Announces Plan To Create Safe Spaces For Bigots
NEW YORK, N.Y.—Citing the the cast of Hamilton and their address to Mike Pence last night, Donald Trump today announced his plan to create safe […]
Thomas Jefferson Wakes Up In Cold Sweat, Cries, “My God, What A Terrible Nightmare”
MONTICELLO, VIRGINIA–Reporting feelings of tremendous fear, notable Founding Father Thomas Jefferson abruptly woke up in a cold sweat early this morning after a nightmarish vision […]
America Prays Cubs’ World Series Victory the Only Unfathomable Win This Year
CHICAGO–With the Chicago Cubs’ World Series win this Wednesday, liberal America has begun praying that the nation’s quota for unfathomable victories has been fulfilled for […]
Facebook Releases New Timeline Based On Family Members’ Most Offensive Posts
MENLO PARK, CA – With the general election weeks away, political commentary that nobody asked for from Facebook users’ normally inactive older relatives has increased, […]
Other Amendments Wondering How They Can Be More Controversial
WASHINGTON D.C. – A conservative movement to #abolishthe19th has taken Twitter by storm this past week, leaving the other twenty-something amendments of the Constitution feeling […]
Local Voter Somehow Still Undecided
LOS ANGELES — Local keysmith and registered voter Adam Wells has still not decided which candidate he will support for President of the United States […]
President Reagan Hologram Booked To Perform At Republican National Convention
WASHINGTON, DC — At a press conference held at the Republican National Committee headquarters earlier today, RNC chairman Reince Priebus jubilantly announced that he had […]