MILWAUKEE, WI—Cutting off her father as he started to praise the new President-elect, Amy Richardson began a detailed discussion of her sex life. “Hey Dad, have I mentioned Brad and I have started reading the Kama Sutra? There are some really interesting positions in there designed to maximize pleasure for both participants,” Richardson said, as her boyfriend Brad Cusos choked on his mashed potatoes beside her. “I really enjoy reverse lotus with Brad beneath me, it’s so hot. And can we talk about sex toys?” Despite an attempt by Richardson’s mother to start an argument with her brother about Mike Pence, Amy resolutely went on to discuss her favorite condom flavors. At press time, the turkey lay untouched while the Richardsons silently watched a football game over Amy’s lecture on the importance of foreplay.
