Area Douchebag Reminds Trump “Pulling Out” Least Reliable Method
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In the wake of President Donald Trump’s decision to withdraw the United States from the Paris Climate Accords, area douchebag Chad Finberry […]
Politics
Cute! These Founding Fathers Tried To Create A Nation With No Demagoguery
Are you ready for the most heartwarming story you’ve read all week? A group of Founding Fathers tried to create their very own nation, completely […]
Op-Ed: Leaking Classified Information Is Only A Big Deal If It’s Emails
What’s all this outcry about me leaking classified info to the Russians? Believe me, I know a lot of people and none of them are […]
Point: USAC Is An Essential Part of Student Representation/Counterpoint: USAC Kind Of Sounds Like Ballsack
Point: USAC Is An Essential Part of Student Representation By: Janice Miller The Undergraduate Student Association Council serves UCLA through creating programs and passing […]
Heartwarming: This Constituent Donated His Balls To Paul Ryan
With President Trump in the White House and the country increasingly divided, here’s some heartwarming political news we can all feel good about: one of […]
Op-Ed: So Pedophilia Is The Line?
As the world’s most dangerous faggot™ I, Milo Yiannopoulos, have always strived to present the true and disturbing facts about the cancerous spread of third […]
Op-Ed: Liberals, Stop Calling Your Fake News “Satire”
With all the fake news circulating social media the past few months, some would say the blurred lines of fact and fiction have felt like […]
Area Man Unsure If New Friend Republican
LOS ANGELES—Area man and local Democrat Charlie Cohen realized early Thursday that he was unsure if his new friend, Derek Wallace, was a Republican. “Some […]
Supreme Playground Court Upholds 5 Second Rule
TOPEKA, KS— In a narrow 5-4 vote, the Supreme Playground Court of Smileyvale Elementary School ruled that the “Five Second Rule” was constitutional. “We really […]
Santa Delivers Coal To Rust Belt, Stimulating Economy
Johnstown, PA–In the early hours of Christmas morning, Santa Claus helped president-elect Donald J. Trump deliver on his campaign promise to reinvigorate the rust belt’s […]