Trend Watch: Withdrawing All Your Money From The Bank
WESTWOOD — In light of the recent economic chaos brought about by the Trump administration’s sweeping tariffs, many on social media have taken to a […]
National
Great Depression Preemptively Named “World Depression One”
WASHINGTON, D.C. – This morning, The White House announced via executive order the official renaming of The Great Depression to “World Depression One.” “It’s important […]
Uh Oh! New Police Sketch Artist Can Only Draw Realistic Eyes
LOS ANGELES — Disaster struck this morning as the LAPD discovered that their new sketch artist was only able to draw hyperrealistic eyes. “I started […]
J.D. Vance Just Happy To Be Included In Group Chat For Once
WASHINGTON, D.C. — When reached for comment about his inclusion in the Houthi PC Small Group Signal chat, Vice President J.D. Vance admitted he was […]
Admitted Student Already Planning On Skipping Lectures
SAN JOSE — After getting accepted to UCLA’s Class of 2029, one high schooler already had his mind set on skipping lectures as soon as […]
“The Democrats Ought To Do Something,” Says Democratic Lawmaker Doing Nothing
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In the wake of President Trump’s recent executive orders, Democratic lawmakers unanimously decided to finally stop him as long as each registered […]
Elon Musk Relegated To Cuck Chair At Trump Billionaire Orgy
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Seating arrangements at the weekly Trump billionaire orgy have revealed that Elon Musk has been relegated to the cuck chair. “Guys, can […]
Jay Leno Arrested After Aiming Chin At Conan O’Brien At Oscars Afterparty
HOLLYWOOD — Vanity Fair’s 2025 Oscar Party dissolved into a state of panic after former Tonight Show host Jay Leno aimed his chin at fellow […]