LOS ANGELES — Disaster struck this morning as the LAPD discovered that their new sketch artist was only able to draw hyperrealistic eyes. “I started drawing eyes in seventh grade English class, and now everyone thinks I can draw everything,” shared John Hogg while drawing an eye into the victim’s chalk outline. “Witnesses always remember other stuff about people’s faces, and it’s like, dude, I don’t care that he was bald! Were his eyelashes luscious?“ At press time, LAPD officers were ordered to violently detain all citizens found with eyes.