Top 5 Dining Hall Beverages That Taste Like Squirt
For such a pathetic lay like myself, squirt comes around just about as often as this drink. Also, much like the splash zones I’ve experienced, […]
News
Antisemitism Is Over! Trump Administration Cuts Funding From Cancer Research
WESTWOOD — After the Trump administration justified cutting research funding to UCLA by citing concerns of antisemitism, Jews and Gentiles alike were shocked when the […]
Experimenting Princess Clarifies She “Could Kiss A Frog, But Never Date One”
FAIRYLAND — Today, one princess set the record straight about her sexual preferences after being caught with a frog. “Even though I had so much […]
Joe Bruin Bulks Up, Grows Beard For Pride Month
WESTWOOD — After undergoing twink death at the age of 99, beloved UCLA mascot Joe Bruin has now transformed into the bear he was meant […]
“How Will This Affect Saffron And Rose?” Asks Guy Trying To Form Opinion On Iran War
WESTWOOD — After hearing about America’s bombing of Iran, one man still could not pick a side to support until knowing the fate of local […]
Scientists Discover Why Old People Smell Like That
WESTWOOD — A groundbreaking discovery was made at the UCLA Geriatric Research and Medical Association (GRAMA) this Tuesday, after an extensive study that involved locking […]
National Guard Officer Also Bummed Westwood Village Doesn’t Have Shit To Do
WESTWOOD — After the National Guard entered Westwood Village yesterday afternoon, many soldiers were disappointed to find out that there was nothing to do in […]
Alternative Club Throws “Groundbreaking” Event That Breaks No New Ground
WESTWOOD — Tonight, one campus alternative club will host a parking lot rave that will break boundaries by having the same exact attractions as last […]
Cinematic: Woman Spends Movie Runtime Drafting Her Letterboxd Review
LOS ANGELES — Last night, one woman decided to unwind with a new movie by spending the entire runtime drafting her Letterboxd review. “I take […]