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Culture

Former Horse Girl Now Ketamine Addict

March 20, 2023 Idil Çenberci 0

LOUISVILLE, K.Y.— Retired jockey and racehorse enthusiast Hannah Ryder has recently developed a horsey addiction to ketamine. “It started as a bonding activity with my […]

BruinCast Employee Wins Oscar For Creative Camerawork

March 13, 2023 Gabby Bromberg 0

WESTWOOD — Fourth-year Abby Gromberg made history this Oscar Sunday after she was awarded “Best Director” for her work on LS 7A 2/13. “I think […]

Triangle of Sadness? This Woman Has a UTI

March 12, 2023 Melissa Beining 0

Watching the Oscars? Here are our quick takes on the Best Picture nominees! Buy me dinner first! Give ‘em a mic, I say! I sure […]

Finally! 2023 Oscars To Be Nationwide Convention Of Guys Named Oscar

March 11, 2023 Dana Badii 0

HOLLYWOOD — Today, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences made a well-received announcement that the 95th Oscars would be a national convention of […]

I Lived It: Someone Asked To Share My Table At Kerckhoff

March 9, 2023 Sam Haines 0

The first thing that struck me, looking up at her, was that she had a kind face. What struck me next was her nerve. “Hi, […]

Opinion: How I Get So Much Volume In My Hair I Can’t Hear My Roommate Face-Timing Her Boyfriend

February 27, 2023 Melissa Beining 0

Step 1: I take a shower. This gives me an excuse to avoid hearing my roommate cycle through pet names for her five foot eight […]

Opinion: “Samueli?” More Like “Smelly.” You Stink!

February 24, 2023 Ava Abrishamchian 0

WESTWOOD — UCLA is known for its beautiful architecture and iconic buildings. Even with a melancholy Mathematic Sciences Building, UCLA can keep its top spot […]

Uh-oh! You Did Your Makeup So Weird The Nice Girls Are Complimenting Your Unstyled Hair Instead

February 24, 2023 Melissa Beining 0

WESTWOOD — Reporting live from a packed Roebling backyard, the Enabler can confirm you did your makeup so weird that the nice girls are complimenting […]

Small Discussion Group Grows Into Medium Discussion Group

February 17, 2023 Ava Abrishamchian 0

WESTWOOD — Students in class Monday morning discovered that their small discussion group has expanded into their worst nightmare: a medium sized discussion group. “It […]

Foreign But Not Forgotten: Mourning Who Your Friend Was Before Study Abroad

February 16, 2023 Sasha Grishchenko 0

Pasta, museums, one euro wine bottles: what more could a college student want? Clearly nothing, because your friend decided to ditch you for some European […]

Posts pagination

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  • Opinion: Suck It, Pre-Meds! Now We’re All Going To Be Unemployed

    It finally happened. Despite being so against equity and inclusion, Trump finally did something to level the playing field between you pre-meds and us humanities, […]

  • Roommate Unable To Clean Dorm Because Floor Is Lava

    WESTWOOOD – In an emergency press conference inside your dorm today, your roommate announced they are unable to clean because the floor is lava. “I […]

  • Woke Mother Performs First Successful “Straight Conversion Therapy”

    WEST HOLLYWOOD — On Tuesday, local woke mother Dorothy McBeal celebrated the results of months of grueling treatment as her first and only child finally […]

  • two skeletons kissing in front of a rainbow pride flag

    Skeletons In Closet Come Out

  • Supreme Court Brings Back Three-Fifths Compromise

    WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a blockbuster 5⅗–2⅗ decision, the Supreme Court has ruled Section 2 of the 14th Amendment unconstitutional, effectively allowing states to declare […]

Featured Authors

mm
Georgia McNeill
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  • Opinion: No, I Will Not Pie You On Bruinwalk, Please Don’t Involve Me In Your Fetishes
Sam Rusk
  • Top 5 UCLA Study Spots If You Don’t Need Outlets, Wifi, Tables or Chairs
  • Ashe Center To Offer Gender Affirming Computer Science Degrees
  • Local Centaur Divided Hot Dog Style

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