WESTWOOD — Reporting live from a packed Roebling backyard, the Enabler can confirm you did your makeup so weird that the nice girls are complimenting your unstyled hair instead. “You have such good texture! Is this really your fifth day without a wash?” a third-year named Hillary Swath asked you, fingering a limp strand and never once glancing below your hairline. “Also I love your white Air Forces!” she said, eyes darting past your face directly to the floor, “The way they’re, like, perfectly scuffed goes so well with your whole trying-but-not-trying vibe. I would trade my Golden Gooses for those if I didn’t have such small feet!” At press time, your roommate was stroking down your frizz and using words like “avant-garde” and “daring” to try to get you to stop crying.
About Melissa Beining 22 Articles
Melissa is proudly allergic to Nutella (will throw up).