Arby’s Always An Option, Reports Area Dad
BAKERSFIELD — Glancing at the “Food: Exit 25” sign on the side of CA State Route 99, area father and Carlson family patriarch Neal Carlson reminded his […]
Articles by Jack Lyons
UCLA Fraternities Apologize For Getting Caught
WESTWOOD–In light of the recent lawsuit filed against UCLA fraternities Sigma Alpha Epsilon (SAE) and Zeta Beta Tau (ZBT) for their mishandling of sexual assault, […]
New Sheriff Realizes He In Wrong Town
GREENWOOD, MISSISSIPPI—Upon reporting for duty on his first day at work and proclaiming “there’s a new sheriff in town,” recently-relocated law enforcement officer Darryl Sharpton […]
Report: Your Best Not Good Enough
WESTWOOD — According to a new report corroborated by your collective of friends, family, classmates, and employers, your best is not good enough, refuting previous reports […]
Study: Second-Borns More Likely To Have Older Sibling
WESTWOOD — After observing datasets including thousands of families from a variety of different backgrounds, researchers from the UCLA Department of Sociology have discovered that second-born […]
Study: Only 40% Of YRL Patrons Potty-Trained
According to a new study published by the UCLA School of Public Health, only 40% of students, faculty, and other visitors who utilize the university’s […]
Bruins For Israel Pretty Quiet This Week
WESTWOOD — UCLA students noted that the campus group Bruins For Israel has been pretty quiet this week following the killing of more than 60 […]
BREAKING: USAC Candidate Todd From Beta Sanctioned For Unlicensed Liquor Sale
WESTWOOD — The undergraduate student government election board issued a sanction Wednesday. Todd From Beta, a candidate running for Campus Events Commissioner, was sanctioned for selling […]
BREAKING: USAC Candidate Skirball Fire Sanctioned For Unsafe Campaigning
WESTWOOD — The undergraduate student government election board issued a sanction Monday. Skirball Fire, a candidate running for general representative, was sanctioned for re-erupting in the […]
BREAKING: Westwood Neighborhood Council Sends Troops To Occupy UCLA
WESTWOOD — In a surprising act that sent shockwaves across the country, The Westwood Neighborhood Council sent armed troops to occupy the sovereign UCLA campus this […]