FRAT ROW — Multiple eyewitness accounts came in last Thursday outside of Chi Alpha Theta regarding the romantic events of the thriving party inside. “Yeah, I saw this chick briefly make eye contact with me, and I thought she wanted to make-out or something. Turns out she wasn’t feeling it,” reports Tyler Martin, who describes today’s dancefloor rejections as a massive leap forward from the misogynistic ways of fraternities’ pasts. “It’s not like I get mad at them or anything. It just sucks, you know. But it’s, like, their choice or whatever, so I respect it and shit.” At press time, “feminist icon” Martin was found punching holes in the wall of his chapter room due to his frustration over the wage gap.