White Freshman Takes Huge Risk With Ethnic-Sounding Entrée
WESTWOOD — Yesterday evening, caucasian first-year Ezra Bloss got the Salvadorian pupusas at De Neve dining hall. “I’ve never felt more attacked in my life,” […]
dorms
UCLA Housing Surprised To Learn Elevators Need Permits
WESTWOOD — The UCLA Housing administration was astonished to learn on Friday that the Hill’s elevators do, in fact, need permits. “It just completely slipped […]
Roommate Found Online Starting To Show Some Red Flags
SAN DIEGO, CA — After thinking about it some more, incoming freshman Kayla Marker has begun to cast some doubt on her roommate selection choice following […]
Dining Hall Employee Getting Really Tired Of Your Shit
WESTWOOD—After multiple claims that she was getting frustrated with patrons stealing things, sneaking in, and generally causing a ruckus, dining hall employee Diane Wollman confirmed […]
Incredible! This Couple Got An Omelet At Covel And Didn’t Have Sex In Line
We all know how tempting it can be to intimately embrace your partner during that long, hard wait for a sizzling, delicious omelet at Covel […]
New Dining Hall Somehow More Pretentious Than B-Plate
WESTWOOD—In an impressive display of extravagance, UCLA Housing recently unveiled a new dining hall, which is somehow even more pretentious than Bruin Plate. The Study […]
Report: All Late Night Curly Fries Traced Back To Single “Mother Fry”
WESTWOOD—In a report issued by the UCLA Center for Sustenance Research, scientists have confirmed that all curly fries from De Neve Late Night are traceable […]
Pro-Feast Militia Organizes and Occupies Dining Hall
WESTWOOD—Following UCLA Dining Services’ decision to close residential dining hall Feast on the weekends, a group of students have occupied the dining hall in protest […]
UCLA Student Spends Exciting Friday Night Cleaning Apartment
WESTWOOD–Claiming she had turned down several invitations to do it, fourth year Asian Humanities major Jessie Harlan spent her Friday night cleaning her apartment. “It’s […]
Student Finds Roommate’s Bong Or Dildo, Not Sure Which
WESTWOOD — Stating he felt “extreme terror” and “penetrating feelings of fear,” third year sociology major Jason Schwartz claims to have found a hollow glass […]