UCLA to Eliminate Fraternities to Help Achieve Goal of Zero Waste by 2020
WESTWOOD—UCLA has just announced its plan to progressively eliminate fraternities within three years to help achieve its goal of zero…
John Wooden Finally Peels Off Bronze Body Paint And Leaves Pauley Pavilion
WESTWOOD—After standing motionless on a pedestal in front of Pauley Pavilion for over three years, legendary basketball coach John Wooden…
Student Gets Head Start On Test, Asshole Status
WESTWOOD—Attempting to give himself more time on his exam Tuesday, second-year Statistics-major Mike Foster got a head start on his…
PETA Denounces Cruel Treatment Of Bruin Bear
WESTWOOD—Following UCLA administration’s decision to put a large protective box around the Bruin Bear statue in Bruin Plaza for “Rivalry…
Astrophysics Students Blinded from Looking Directly at the Sun
WESTWOOD, CA — A class of 23 UCLA students from the astrophysics general education course ‘My Star and Me’ were…
Rhythmic Sounds Coming From Roommate’s Bed
WESTWOOD—Late Wednesday evening, third year Electrical Engineering student Devin Thacker reported hearing loud, rhythmic sounds coming from the bed of…
Student Has Perfect Thing To Add To Lecture
WESTWOOD—Much to the admiration of those around her, second year Jessica Grant confirmed Monday that she had like the perfect thing…
Campus To Feature Three New Construction Sites By 2016
WESTWOOD – In accordance with newly-ordained construction regulations, UCLA administration announced plans to add an additional three new construction sites…
Students Vow To Start Procrastinating Earlier In Quarter
WESTWOOD – After an academically disappointing quarter, a group of second-year UCLA students has resolved to start procrastinating earlier next quarter….
6 AM Great Time To Leaf-Blow Outside Dorms
WESTWOOD – Recent reports from UCLA groundskeepers indicate that 6AM is the ideal time to leaf-blow the area outside of…