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CCLE Wishes To Become A Real Website

November 14, 2020 Jade Lacy 0

WESTWOOD — After yet another day of letting down students and professors alike, CCLE wished upon a shooting star to become a real website just […]

“Beg For It,” Says Automatic Faucet

October 28, 2020 Arman 0

WESTWOOD — According to toilets close with the Enabler, the rightmost automatic faucet in Target has begun demanding bathroom users to “beg for it” in […]

Social Bubble Expands To All Of Westwood

October 23, 2020 Jade Lacy 0

WESTWOOD — After gradually growing over the past several months through totally socially distanced picnics, parties and date nights, one social bubble has finally expanded […]

Ethnomusicology Student Caught Listening To Maroon 5 On Spotify

November 18, 2019 Analisa Burns 0

WESTWOOD — Third-year ethnomusicology major Sebastian Arrow-Gantz lost his musical authority Monday morning when his Spotify listening activity revealed that he was playing Maroon 5 […]

Op-Ed: Never Mind, It’s Just Another Amber Alert

October 21, 2019 Darryl Daniels 0

WESTWOOD — Oh my god, my phone’s buzzing. Do you hear that? What if it’s something important? Maybe it’s Mark calling, finally confessing his love […]

Default Browser Somehow Bing Again

August 24, 2019 Nathan Grovhoug 0

WESTWOOD — After attempting to Google-search “Game of Thrones Season 8 Finale Free Streaming 1080p,” second-year biology major Serena Tambor discovered her default browser had […]

Freshman Admit Has Highest SAT Score In Orientation Group

August 9, 2019 Jamie Atlas 0

WESTWOOD — Derek Bowman, an incoming UCLA first year, excitedly announced that after sneaking peeks at his fellow admits’ class planners, he discovered he had […]

UN Classifies One Floor Elevator Rides As War Crime

June 14, 2019 Grace Johnston-Glick 0

WESTWOOD — This afternoon, the UN passed a resolution to reclassify one-floor elevator trips from a low-level faux pas to a fully fledged war crime. […]

Quirky Professor Asks For “Bueller” While Taking Attendance

May 6, 2019 Drew Muxlow 0

WESTWOOD — At 8:00 AM this morning, physics professor Dr. Gilbert Krenshaw made a reference to the movie Ferris Bueller’s Day Off while taking attendance by […]

BREAKING: UCLA Entrepreneur Bought Stocks

April 15, 2019 Drew Muxlow 0

WESTWOOD — Second-year business economics major Kevin Fisher was just reported to have “moved his assets” from his savings account into stocks. “I thought Kevin […]

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