UN Classifies One Floor Elevator Rides As War Crime
WESTWOOD — This afternoon, the UN passed a resolution to reclassify one-floor elevator trips from a low-level faux pas to a fully fledged war crime. […]
Campus
Quirky Professor Asks For “Bueller” While Taking Attendance
WESTWOOD — At 8:00 AM this morning, physics professor Dr. Gilbert Krenshaw made a reference to the movie Ferris Bueller’s Day Off while taking attendance by […]
BREAKING: UCLA Entrepreneur Bought Stocks
WESTWOOD — Second-year business economics major Kevin Fisher was just reported to have “moved his assets” from his savings account into stocks. “I thought Kevin […]
Student’s Cries For Help Mistaken For Meme Jokes
WESTWOOD — Local third year Mark Pierce has submitted several cries for help to his Facebook feed, only for each one to be mistaken for […]
YRL Mountain Lion Diverts Attention From Powell Cat
WESTWOOD — After a mountain lion was noticed taking residence in the bushes adjacent to Young Research Library (YRL), many students have taken to the […]
Public Affairs Professor’s Mistresses Make Affairs Public
WESTWOOD — Last week, adjunct Public Affairs professor Nathan Bradley was surprised mid-lecture when his mistresses stormed into the hall and publicly announced his many […]
Stray Cat Wins Heart of Community, Stray Human Does Not
WESTWOOD — A stray cat discovered on Landfair Avenue has won over the community with its scrappy feline charms, while at the same time local […]
Op-Ed: If I Wear Jeans, You Must Call Me Jeans Block
To the Campus Community: On Monday morning, I substituted my normal chancellorial slacks for a pair of comfortable, stylish, denim jeans. Yet for the entire […]
Student Swamped With Work Watches Three Episodes of “Friends”
WESTWOOD — Craig Hillsdale, a fourth-year political science student, is enrolled in four classes that are all holding final exams in the following three days. […]
UCLA to Eliminate Fraternities to Help Achieve Goal of Zero Waste by 2020
WESTWOOD—UCLA has just announced its plan to progressively eliminate fraternities within three years to help achieve its goal of zero waste by 2020. “It just […]