Joe Bruin Bulks Up, Grows Beard For Pride Month
WESTWOOD — After undergoing twink death at the age of 99, beloved UCLA mascot Joe Bruin has now transformed into the bear he was meant […]
sex
Pros And Cons Of Texting Your Hometown Situationship Right Before Summer Vacation
Summer is nigh. The end of finals is in sight, and unless you were lucky enough to get accepted into some fancy internship in Palo […]
Ask The Enabler: Does “Bisexual” Mean You Fuck Twice A Week, Or Once Every Two Weeks?
Here at the Westwood Enabler, the closest thing UCLA has to a bisexual awareness club, we’ve been plagued by the following question: does “bisexual” mean […]
Opinion: They Should Let The New Pope Have Gay Sex Once So He Can See If It Should Still Be Banned Or Not
With the death of Pope Francis, the first “woke pope,” the cardinals will soon enter conclave to pick the newest pontifex. I liked Pope Francis. […]
Julio Frenk Takes “Fuck the Police” Seriously, Last Seen Naked In Royce Hall
WESTWOOD — After a recent protest marched up to Murphy Hall, home of the office of the chancellor, Julio Frenk decided to hear out the […]
Opinion: I Need To Fuck Someone With A Scooter
Look, I’m over it. UCLA is basically an Olympic endurance course disguised as an academic institution. From walking up Bruin Walk to climbing the Death […]
Opinion: I Need To Fuck Someone With A Scooter
Look, I’m over it. UCLA is basically an Olympic endurance course disguised as an academic institution. From walking up Bruin Walk to climbing the Death […]
Feminist Win! Orgasm Gap Closed By Sex Where No One Cums
LOS ANGELES — On Tuesday night, Jenny and Rick pioneered a brave new approach to closing the orgasm gap by having equally unsatisfying sex. “Studies […]
Opinion: Hinge Isn’t Working. It’s Time To Start Fucking My Friends
Dating apps are difficult. Yeah, I said it. “Heyyyyy haha! I also like cats! Lolz!” “WYD” “Taking a shower? Without me?” And I get nothing. […]
“The Bugs Are Just Eating Me Out Today!” Says Person Who Doesn’t Understand Sex Terms
SALT LAKE CITY — On a nature walk this afternoon, local sex-term-not-understander Virgil Cox stated that the bugs were “just eating [them] out.” “Man, these […]