Toy Missing: Last Spotted in Westwood Area
LAB SCHOOL SANDBOX – Mrs. Frisby’s first grade class went wild Monday after Thomas the Tank Engine did not return from his lunchtime adventure. “It’s […]
humor
Newly Committed Class Contains 19,000 Students With Bullshit Club Cabinet Positions
WESTWOOD—Proudly stating that the new UCLA freshman class will be full of young, ambitious students, the admissions office has announced that 4,000 of the 5,000 […]
Report: Additional Highway Lane Reduces Amount Of Time For Texting
LOS ANGELES — Much to the displeasure of southern California commuters, a study conducted by the Department of Transportation revealed Sunday that the extra highway […]
Busy Area Father Misses Son’s Conception
LOS ANGELES—Working overtime due to an inability to tell his boss “No”, area father Peter Goodall failed to show up for his unborn son’s conception […]
Child Beachgoers Build Castle Of Sand, Water, Scattered Ashes
LAGUNA BEACH, CA — Mother of two Stacy Waldorf confirmed to reporters Sunday afternoon that on a recent trip to Laguna Beach, her two children, […]
First-Year Re-evaluates Entire Life After Receiving B+
LOS ANGELES— Upon receiving his fall grades, first year John Perff was horrified to realize that he had received a B+ in his introductory Backpack […]
Dad Steals Baby’s Nose
LOS ANGELES—Police have arrested local man Joseph Gutierrez in connection with stealing his baby’s nose. Gutierrez’s wife witnessed him playing with their son on Wednesday when […]
Porn Skews Young People’s Perceptions Of How Willing Pizza Guy Is To Have Sex With Them
Pornography these days is more accessible than it’s ever been, particularly to the younger generation. Porn is everywhere. It’s on the computer. It’s on the […]
Loud Sound Definitely A Gunshot
WESTWOOD—Tuesday morning at approximately 3:44 AM, a loud sound that occurred somewhere within the vicinity of several residential homes was identified by members of the […]
South Campus Runs Military Training Exercises Near North Campus Border
WESTWOOD—Declaring that South Campus is the only true campus, members of the South Campus Confederation ran military training exercises near the North Campus border on […]