Coachella Wristband Reveals God Amongst Men
WESTWOOD — Last Monday evening, three wise men knocked on the door of Beta Theta Pi to share with third-year business economics student Jack Wagner, who […]
New Clothing Brand “Supremer” To Cater To Hyperbeasts
FAIRFAX DISTRICT — Last weekend, hundreds of self-proclaimed not hypebeasts, but “Hyper-Beasts,” lined up by a Melrose storefront in anticipation of new clothing brand “Supremer,” unaffiliated […]
Carl’s Jr. Grounded by Carl’s Sr.
NASHVILLE — Carl’s Junior announced today that it will be closing its doors for two weeks after being grounded by Carl’s Senior. “We at Carl’s […]
New Anti-Homeless Benches Just Giant Metal Spikes
LOS ANGELES — In response to increasing numbers of homeless people, city officials yesterday finished the first installation of their project to redesign anti-homeless benches, […]
Gene Block Mentioned 26 Times In Mueller Report For Some Reason
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s final report on his team’s investigation into potential links between the Trump campaign and Moscow was made public […]
De Neve Grab ‘N Go Loses Michelin Star
WESTWOOD — Lamenting that the dining establishment no longer holds itself to the culinary standards of innovation and excellence exalted by restaurants deemed worthy of […]
BREAKING: UCLA Entrepreneur Bought Stocks
WESTWOOD — Second-year business economics major Kevin Fisher was just reported to have “moved his assets” from his savings account into stocks. “I thought Kevin […]
Jason Alco Sightings Continue
WESTWOOD — Over the last six months, there have been multiple sightings of what many presume to be 2018 graduate Jason Alco blending in among the […]
P: Ouch! CP: Oops, Sorry
Point: Ouch! By: Beauregard Ploof Ouch! My foot! How could this be? How could you have done this?? I thought you were my friend. After […]
Student’s Cries For Help Mistaken For Meme Jokes
WESTWOOD — Local third year Mark Pierce has submitted several cries for help to his Facebook feed, only for each one to be mistaken for […]